a hill worth dying on.

I’m on my knees
I’m in despair
Down the aisle
my soul to bare

A chapel, barren
where is the stained glass?
“Where is your mask?”
“Where is your pass?”

I come to flee the mindless masses
in hopes of immersing in Holy Masses
Where now, is my corner of Heaven on earth?
Gone now, is my heart’s hope to serve

But amidst the cry of Karen’s shriek
and Zac making sure his brows are on fleek
A rainbow flag hides a little red light
casting shadows on a tabernacle
hidden out of sight

Past windowless walls,
and blank, naked, altars
I make for the sacrament
the one that never falters

I kneel before my Lord
in the one real thing I know
My world’s all but confusion
I’m at an all-time low

My body screams in anger
I blame it on His will
Disbelief in why I have
to die upon this hill

“I turn to You in every storm
but the vessel’s f**king broken
My faith’s too strong to turn away
what else can I have hope in?”

But then I hear the timeless rattle
beads of battles won
A decade chain of roses
a hill worth dying on

She lays me down to rest
says her Son could never lie
He made us all a promise
that His Church would never die

She tells me to surrender
her Son will do the rest
Whatever life has been
was simply for the best

I’m still trying to let go
of all that life has been
For a raging, disappointed,
Singaporean teen.